Complacency in Recovery
Recovery can be a difficult journey. I have experienced the “pink cloud” of recovery. This is when you are so excited about
everything recovery, you are happy, happy, happy. It’s great, it feels great, it is defiantly a positive thing, there is nothing wrong with riding the “pink cloud” of recovery. Until, you start to get your hands dirty, when you begin the uncomfortable work. For some it is working your fourth step in Narcotics Anonymous, “A searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” were we discover our character defects.
I continued to head straight through zipping through the steps like homework assignments, as if I was going to come to the end with an A+. It caught up with me, my arrogance, my inability to accept suggestion, and I crashed and burned hard. I relapsed in the early summer of 2012, it lasted until October 8th, 2012. I made it out alive, again God saved me, why I do not know. I do have a small inclining that it has something to do with sharing my story. Helping other addicts identify, helping some hopefully not fall as hard as I did. Maybe it is to save myself. Whatever the reason I am here and I am not riding the “pink cloud” anymore. I am complacent in my recovery.
Complacency is a very dangerous state for a recovering addict. I do what I have to do for my recovery which includes recognizing warning signs. If I do not at the very least say a prayer, call my sponsor and get to a meeting I will relapse. I know this from experience, I know this from other recovering addicts experience. I also need to read the literature and apply the principles of HOW to my life, honesty, open-minded, and willingness. At the very least I need to do this every day.
I find my writing and sharing helps me in this journey as well. If I write, if only for a half an hour, or so, I feel accomplished, I feel better about myself. I think that may be the key, finding our qualities and abilities and work on them, develop them. Also, finding activities like how I enjoy walking and hiking. I am disabled and not able to do it for as long as I used to but I can still get out for a little bit. I enjoy nature, If only to go for a short walk and sit on the bench to enjoy nature. I meditate and try to remain calm. This journey is not always going to be easy, I am not always going to want to get my hands dirty and sometimes I am just so depressed I cannot function. The important this is to recognize it and reach out before you relapse, before I relapse, again. I know what awaits me if I take that path again. I do not want to ever go back to that nightmare, ever.