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Romance and Early Recovery No Nos

April 20, 2013
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In some self-help programs they suggest, when you begin recovery, to avoid romantic involvement.  It is recommended for several reasons.  One is to concentrate on your therapy and program of recovery.  Another is to avoid unnecessary emotional pain if the relationship has turmoil or ends badly.  Also, because we need to learn about ourselves, forgive ourselves and love ourselves.

A program of recovery takes work and focus.  A new relationship can disrupt this process.  It can limit your time with other recovering addicts.  Our intentions maybe well in good but the outcome came be heartbreaking and leave us sad and insecure.  We are left open and vulnerable.  Without a good strong foundation of recovery, we may be left open to self-pity and other emotions.  As we know this is a very bad place to be and can lead to a relapse.

When we come into recovery we are in a fragile state.  The littlest comment, rejection or any other number of negative scenarios can lead us right back out there.  If we jump into a romantic relationship early in recovery it is probably with someone that is not exactly stable and healthy for us.  We crave chaos and drama because if we truly leave the lifestyle behind when we come into recovery it can be boring, lonely and depressing.  We crave the action and crazy lifestyle we left behind.  Unfortunately if we cannot be a part of it anymore, we create it, we attract it in other ways like a new exciting relationship.  Maybe with someone we have met in recovery.  Things may be good for a little while but if there is any conflict or if one relapses, the other is sure to follow.  The affects of the smallest argument can be an “excuse” to use. I have certainly done it in the past.  I have had a fight with my significant other and relapsed just to say, “Ha, and I’m not sharing!”  As if I was hurting the other person in some way by using behind his back.

I think one of the most important reasons for not getting involved romantically is because we need to get to know ourselves.  We have to start a relationship within.  Learn about ourselves just as we would another person.  Get to know our passions, our strengths, our weaknesses, learn about our beliefs, values and morals.  We need to learn about what we love, what we dislike.  Most importantly we need to learn how to grow in all areas of our lives, not just recovery.  How can we begin this relationship with ourselves if we are wrapped up and busy getting involved romantically with someone who we probably should not be getting involved with.

Recovery is a journey, not a class or a workshop.  It is a way of life.  It is a path we take to healing and enjoying life.  Where we begin to love and forgive ourselves.  It is a relationship that grows and blossoms within ourselves.

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From → My Story, Recovery

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