Skip to content

Focusing on Clean Time Instead of Focusing on Working on Your Problems and Defects

May 7, 2013

Someone asked me today how many days/months have I been clean, I think I have achieved the ability to truly enjoy life and not943588_493525530713982_1798908447_n obsess about drugs because I had to check my calendar, I was so excited! yesterday I had 7 months clean but, it’s not about how much time you have.

I had two years clean before I relapsed last summer and did make it out alive. I burned out because I was doing way to much and focusing on anything and anyone that took the focus off of doing actual work on myself. Now, I certainly do not encourage anyone to run out and relapse to find enlightenment.  Relapse is just what it took for me to take a good hard look at myself.

Once you stop counting the seconds, then the minutes, hours and days, I think it can be one of two things, you are not clean or you do not care about how many days you have clean. It is not that you do not care, I am proud of myself for making it 7 months clean and serene.  It is just it is not on the top of my priority list anymore. I do not open my statements or introductions at meetings, “Hi, my name is Amy and I am an addict with 7 months, 1 day, 9 hours, 33 minutes and 47 seconds clean,”  I share about what works for me and what does not.  I want to explore new things, new ways to enjoy my new life, free from the obsession to use drugs.

Advertisements

From → My Story, Recovery

4 Comments
  1. I agree..being clean for one day is just as hard as being clean for 7 months (and then some.) When people ask me how long it’s been since I’ve had a beer; I answer, “I didn’t drink yesterday, I won’t drink today; and I don’t want to drink tomorrow.

    Recovery is a ongoing battle, whether it be a month or a decade; sometimes we slip because we get overconfident about the time we have been clean. Then we slip..so just putting a value on the fact that you are clean today and will work on staying clean tomorrow, keeps you focused on not slipping in the future!

    Be proud of your accomplishment, young lady, and keep fighting the good fight!

    Like

    • I’m trying! and congratulations to you! Recovery does get easier but it will always be a battle. Applying the tools and principles to our lives is very hard to implement because its about behavior change and cognitive change. If you work at and practice it begins to be natural. I have fun today, I love life today and that is a beautiful thing. I hate when people associate me with active addiction, asking me if I can get anything or what’s it like. That’s not who I am anymore, it upsets me especially when it’s someone I care about, a childhood friend I haven’t seen in a while or something. I want to be remembered for the way I live today, not the awful things I have done in my past. I guess that’s every addict’s dream, to not be looked at like a junkie anymore. Anyways, you keep on doin what you are doin if it’s working! I’m proud of you!

      Like

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: