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Doctors, The New Drug Dealers On The Block

May 16, 2013

Doctors take an oath to do no harm, so why have the last three visits I have had with doctors ended with me in tears?  Today’s visit Young Woman Holding Her Neck in Painnearly set me over the edge.  I am so sick of these doctors pushing narcotics on people then judging them yearslater f

I had a very bad experience with a very mean surgeon today. It seems the minute you are honest and tell the doctor you cannot take a script of narcotics they treat you completely different. It’s happened to me three times in the past month and a half. Only this doctor was cruel, I said I wanted to wait, I did not want to do the surgery just yet because he wanted to schedule me today the minute he saw my new MRI’s, he said they are getting too close to my spinal cord. I need a plate, 4 screws and fusions in my neck.

When he said he would prescribe me something until my surgery date I told him I couldn’t have opiates or narcotics, that I was on Methadone Maintenance Therapy and I would like some time to think about it. He told me I am not recovering, I’m addicted to methadone and I am still an addict. He went on to say he wasn’t going to see me after physical therapy was done because there’s no reason if i’m not going to get the surgery.

That money hungry greedy man doesn’t know me, I AM NOT IN ACTIVE ADDICTION, I HAVE BUSTED MY ASS TO STAY CLEAN, METHADONE SAVED MY LIFE, I have chronic pain, my lower back has blown out discs and scoliosis, arthritis, nerve damage & countless pinched nerves…they said because my neck is completely straight it is like balancing a bowling ball onto of a toothpick,…that nasty doctor said I’m only going to get worse so what’s the difference, get the surgery now or don’t clutter up my office until you decide to get the surgery…

he went on to say heroin’s the ultimate high, it doesn’t get any better then that so if you can’t have that take that then methadone just replaces it….that jerk knows nothing about me and obviously nothing about methadone because if he did he would know you don’t get high off of methadone and it is used to treat addiction and 80 mgs of methadone is a blocking dose…it takes the edge off of my pain, it does not mask it which is good because I do not want my pain masked and then end up hurting myself even more.

I am trying so hard to face these hurdles with new eyes, learn the hidden lessons from each negative experience and turn it into something positive, a life lesson of some sort.  It is getting more and more difficult though.  It seems like every week I am faced with a new problem involving my disabilities, health insurance and doctors.  I am trying to keep my smile, keep living life, trying to overcome these issues but I have to realize, I am human.  I am entitled to feel angry, sad and worried when these things happen.  It is just so difficult to have these things thrown at me like rapid fire.  I could say something profoundly inspirational  something well thought out and carefully reviewed but this post is to show you all that I am human.  I get mad, sad and angry.  Tuesday was one of those days and I wrote this when I got home with my microphone because I am unable to type from my disabilities  I was going to erase it.  I didn’t because you should know that I may have a message to carry, I may have a talent to write but I am also human and life comes at me.  The difference today is that I do not have to use drugs to cope with it!


From → My Story, Recovery

  1. I’m so sorry you had such a bad experience with that doctor. Oh, the power of words.

    You are on a good path of healing, and something tells me you’re not going to let an ingnorant, insensitive doctor tell you what’s going to happen with your life. From the very short time I’ve been connected to your story, I can tell you are strong, and you’re a hard worker in your own recovery. That’s all you need to focus on, sister. Everything else is mere noise.

    Love and prayers of healing to you.


    • Thank you so much for the encouragement! I wrote this right after my experience and that’s why I posted it, it’s raw and shows that I’m human, I cry, I get angry, I get my feelings hurt but fortunately it did not take long to get over this. I came home and took my son to get ice cream and milkshakes…that made it all better!!


  2. I so agree with your stance. I use mega doses of Rutin (4 x 500 mg) that lasts 8 hrs of natural pain relief for my neck and back (bone-on-bone), it is astounding that a bioflavonoid reduces the inflammation (pain).


    • Yes I have bone on bone discs as well, it is a terrible affliction, disc degenerative disorder, and I feel that my MSM, Chondrotin, and Glucosimine with an anti-inflammatory does the job. I have to keep moving though. I have to walk every day, I have to get up move around, I sway around and do a little jiggle to my music while I walk, I don’t push it but I have fun while I walk my dogs and dance while i’m walking with my headphones on!


  3. Sorry about your bad experience — I try to stay away from modern medicine as much as I can! I very much prefer the natural and/or alternative methods which are more focused on the cause of the problem. I don’t trust modern medicine much because it’s become about profits, not prevention.


    • That’s exactly what I was told this morning when I was questioned about why I won’t be seeing these doctors anymore, “You refused to do business with them, if they can’t make money off of you by hacking into your neck and getting paid by the insurance company big bucks they don’t want to deal with you,” I am in a difficult position though, I have to see a doctor every 45 days for my neck, back and disability…it’s awful though, they say I’m in the palliative stages of care, that word takes me right back to my father dying in Hospice Care in a Coma, palliative care means there’s nothing anyone can do but feed me drugs and make me comfortable, it’s a rap…but I refuse to give in or give up, that surgeon told me I was in active addiction because I”m on methadone, methadone saved my life. Methadone is the reason I am living a life today, the reason I have an quality of life at all, it’s the reason I can physically get out of bed without assistance. I know what happens when I have a prescription in my hand, I do not trust myself and I refuse to give in. I’m not going to, I wish I could go the natural route but I have so much damage in my back and my neck, I’m supposed to walk with a cane, I was told I would be in a wheelchair by the age of 35, I’m 36, I just don’t think I should have a surgery that has a 75% chance of paralyzing me if I can have some sort of quality of life..


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Discrimination Against Recovering Addicts ~By The Doctors Who Prescribed Them The Drugs In The First Place | A Path To Recovery

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