The Most Valuable Gift ~ Giving the Gift of Your Time
I feel that my comment to this blogger says it all. If you give your time, how ever much or little, you are giving that person the most valuable thing you have in your life. We forget that in our busy days and rushing around. We tend to value on status, materialistic things, and jobs or careers. I too am guilty of it until recently. I used to put value into my life based on the amount of money I had or about how much clean time I had, how many groups I was facilitating and the steps I was completing in the program. I expected a gold star for every little achievement, a pat on the back for every milestone, I wanted to be recognized and praised for a job well done. I rarely listened, I certainly had very little empathy for anyone else’s issues. I only cared about myself and when I did help someone or sponsor someone in the Narcotics Anonymous program, I did it for recognition, not for the right reasons.
Today things are different because that way of thinking landed me right back in the gutter. I lost everything and I’m glad I did. I was stripped of every thing and everyone I loved (except my children) and that is what brought me into working a solid program. That is what changed my way of thinking and caused me to be aware of other people’s struggles and pain. I started to feel new emotions and isolate them, understand them and work on them with a trauma therapist. Until then I only knew of a few emotions; angry, sad, happy, scared, nervous…that was about the extent of my emotional vocabulary.
Today I feel good and if I start to feel negative I “reboot” myself and begin my day over. I stop and meditate if I can, I think about all I have to be grateful for, the people in my life and love I am surrounded by. I would not have any of this if I had never clawed my way out of the living hell on earth I had created for myself last summer and found my way back to recovering addicts who never stopped loving me or worrying about me and praying for my safe return. Without those amazing women I would not be alive today and I firmly believe that. I also believe that if I go back out and pick up again, I will die, there is no question about it.
So, I happy to be alive today, I have a choice every morning to live or to die. I make that choice and then do the things I need to do to treat my disease of addiction before I can do anything else because I am no good to anyone if I do not take care of myself first.
I love to make people smile and If you did not know me and saw me walking my dogs down the street with my earphones on I guarantee you would think I am on drugs. Anyone who knows me though knows this is normal Amy behavior. I dance and sing while I am walking my dogs. people always laugh, cars slow down and point. It is especially humorous now because I died my hair blue, I love the color, I’m sad that it faded and washed out so quickly.
My sister and her childhood best friend used to always say we want the “old” Amy back. Well I am sorry girls but she does not exist anymore, you will have to make due with new Amy. My sister did say that in the past few months this is the closest she has seen me return to my old personality of the free spirited hippie who did not care about what anyone thought of her. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, and did not care what anyone said. Well, I guess there is a part of that free spirited girl left in me, my better half, my creative, fun side.
What I told my sister was that no matter how far I go, no matter how much I change I can never be that “old” Amy again. She’s gone. I am getting to really love the new Amy though. My sister agrees, there is no way to get her back, she’s gone. The greatest gift I can give today, is my time. I can give a piece of me, as I am, the good, the beautiful, the bad, …the human, I can give my time and share some of me but please, if I do, share some of you with me. I want to see you shine!
- Gifts and Flowers delivery (myheartfeelingsgrou.wordpress.com)
- Taking Charge: Healing Through The Evolution of Thought, and Accountability (bloggsymalone.wordpress.com)