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Anonymity In Recovery

May 18, 2013

Anger and resentments are like venom or poison to an addict.  These emotions eat away at the soul.  They deepen and grow as well if514_230x230_Peel not dealt with in a healthy way.  Sharing at a meeting or calling a support to talk about it, is a start to releasing the anger and resentment.  Sharing your pain by talking about it can be a useful tool in many ways.  It helps to diffuse the anger, to get another perspective on it, to receive suggestion on how to turn it around into a learning experience and how to deal with it in a healthy way.  Be careful what you share in a group or online though.

Many of you know by now that I share my experiences with the World.  I am open and verbal about my personal battle with addiction and my journey of recovery.  I receive some very uplifting messages from people who read my blog and posts.  I respond to each one as well as I can but I always remind the person that even if a post inspired them or something I wrote sparked something inside them, I remind them that I am in recovery, newly in recovery at that.  I relapsed last summer and had almost two years clean before that.  I have done, said and thought awful things and I am human with the disease of addiction.  I am not special, I am part of a community of recovering addicts who want something different, we want to live!  It is because of this honesty and humility that I felt today’s post should be about anonymity and what can happen if you are not careful.   I have had angry messages sent to me, I have been criticized, I have been accused of acting like I know it all.  It is OK though, I do not need to defend myself.  I share what works for me and I share it online and with that public sharing comes an expectation of negative responses.  I do not have all the answers, I am in no way better then anyone else, I am just a lowly junkie trying to stay clean.  This works for me, sharing my life and hoping that someone will see something that helps them.  It is also a blog of what not to do, I share my screw ups as well!  I share the experiences I had bevore my relapse.  All I can say is it is each persons’ decisions when and where to share on their disease.  I feel if I can show someone there’s light at the end of the tunnel, well that’s worth it all!

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From → My Story, Recovery

6 Comments
  1. helnbak permalink

    It seems like you are a lot more than a ‘lowly junkie’ to me! In fact, I think labels really affect us and we all hold onto them, like ‘addict’, ‘junkie’, or if we are diagnosed as ‘suffering from depression’. It’s hard to really remove a label once you put it on; that’s what your post made me think. I think you are inspiring anyway, and reading your posts has been inspiring to me, even if you are still in early recovery, it’s good to read.

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    • Thank you, I feel like I’m working towards the goal of getting away from the stigma of being a junkie or addict. I was recently at a BBQ being reunited with some family and friends that I have not seen or spoken to in year, since my relapse. They came together and we had a great time except for a person who took me to the side and asked if I could get them something, then they continued on to almost a bragging way about their first experience shooting up and hinting towards “could you do it for me” cuz they were having trouble with it. I tried to redirect the person and let them know how awful my relapse was, that I hope they stay on course and avoid the temptations meanwhile I was desperately trying to get away from them and get back to my family members and the BBQ. I was sad that it’s like the first thing people want to do is ask me if I can get them drugs or can they get my connects numbers and then brag about their experiences, Is this all I’m ever going to be known for? Does he not know that he’s triggering me, making me uncomfortable and not mention being rude? It was sad, I also knew he was high, he tried telling me he had been doing good so he changed his tune and then asked me to get him Suboxone, again putting me in the line of fire dealing with people I have cut out of my life. I was poliete but it was sad to watch this person wander around, high and making the same mistakes I did. I even got upset because I was outted, abandoned and they all turned their backs on me but yet not only still allow him to be in their lives but drive him to dealers houses, loan him money give him ciggerettes, I was hurt. It passed though when I realized how lucky I was to be back with the people I loved. One person was not going to ruin that for me. I had fun it was a beautiful day, good food, lots of laughs, it was very memorable. I just feel sad when people ask me for drugs and brag about drug use to me, like that’s all I’m known for, they do not see the progress I’ve made the things that I’m doing the fun that I’m having in recovery, it’s sad. I hope one day I will be able to surpass the label junkie and addict.

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      • helnbak permalink

        I think some people are still at the stage of thinking its a laugh, they don’t realise you’ve been through hell; it’s just sad and you hope those people aren’t going to find out themselves the hard way, ‘it’s not big, it’s not clever and it’s not funny’, as my boyfriend says!

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      • No it’s not funny, it is hell and it is so very hard to come out alive. Only 10% of IV drug users recovery and that’s probably not a very good stat because there are so many people out there who do not disclaim their habit to doctors or on surveys so if you took the actual number and compared that to people who recover and never go back I’m sure that percentage is lower. I relapsed last summer, it was awful and it was so hard to come back. Anyone can quit using for awhile but not many can maintain it and recover. That’s why I try to spread the word and talk about what worked for me. I’m hoping to publish my book in the next few days, I’m actually shooting for tomorrow to at least get it uploaded to Amazon. I don’t know, I keep procrastinating!

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      • helnbak permalink

        I will definately read that book, go for it, there aren’t enough stories out there to give people hope they can get through it. 10% is a very scary statistic, it is a fight for your life. Let us know when your books out!

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      • It will be out in the next few days, I’m actually just finishing editing the last chapter right now and then I need to insert the table of contents. I’m going to go over it one more time and then release it. So I don’t know if it will be tomorrow but it is going to be within the next few days!

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