Real Freedom – Breaking Outta My Prison
Freedom to me is being myself without worrying about what anyone else feels or thinks. This is my life and I will live it the
way I want to. I will not be held back by social norms I do not agree with. I will parent my kids to the best of my ability and allow them to grow and be themselves with the best guidance I can. I will not wear a mask for you or you or you. No one owns me. I make choices, both good and bad. I learn from my mistakes. I learn from other’s mistakes. I am done with living my life under the pressure of approval from people I don’t even want to be around. I am who I am, love me, hate me or somewhere in between, I don’t care anymore. I am living my life on a painful path of recovery from not just addiction but many other complex memories and traumas. So many negative things I had done, that were done to me and it prevented me from growing in positive directions. I could not even look at my reflection for more than a second and continued to fall deeper into the dark places inside me. I am not a bad person. I am worth something and I am loved. I have trouble accepting it, being loved; it’s hard for me to believe why anyone would love me, until recently. I have broken down walls, I have reached out, and I have become stronger and defeated many of those demons of my past. There are more to conquer and they snap at my heels as I walk ahead creating a life I want without thinking what others would approve or disapprove. I am not willing to sacrifice my happiness to be something I’m not. My mask is coming off and the walls are coming down. I believe in myself today. I can become somebody, I can learn to love myself and rid myself of those negative voices telling me I’m not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I don’t have what it takes, all I do is hurt people, I’m bad and worthless. I don’t let anyone in because they’re better than me and if they know me they’ll hate me, leave me and hurt me. Those voices from my past keeping me down are all from experiences with people who I feel sorry for today, to live inside their own prisons. Every day I write down very specific things about myself that I love and that I’m grateful for. We don’t know what today, tomorrow or the future will bring but I’m breaking out of my prison for the first time in my life and I’m not following other shadows, I’m in front with the sun warming my face and my shadow’s behind me. I make my future with the choices I make today; it’s as simple as that.
~What are you going to do today that will lead you towards your dreams and goals?~