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Grant Me The Courage

January 18, 2015

FEAR. GUILT. SHAME. My favorite masks. I love to hide behind them. I feel protected and comfortable imagessurrounding myself with the walls I’ve built to keep the World, the big bad World from getting in and hurting me again. It worked for awhile but eventually my palace of protection became my prison of pain. So I began to seek help again but I cannot do the same things over again that I’ve tried in the past. This is a different approach, with different mentors, counselors and caring individuals who understand because they’ve been where I have.

The kind of change to break free of my prison needs more courage then I’ve needed since the beginning of my journey. In order to accomplish my goals and change for good; I needed to try something different. I found The Eight Step Recovery from the Buddha’s teachings is based on the 12 Step programs. The Eight Step program focuses on the Buddha’s Teachings to guide us through our journey using the Four Noble Truths and other teachings from the Buddha. Meditation is also a large part of the program and there is a 21 day program of meditations. There is an introduction and then Day one is the beginners mediation of the breath and how to meditate. Each day is a different meditation for 21 days. The importance of 21 days is that research shows that any habit whether it is a habit you are trying to rid yourself of or one you are trying to implement into your life, it takes 21 days for the brain and the chemistry to change and therefore the behavior to change.

The Buddhist Centre – 21 Day Meditation For Recovery – 11. Principles To Train The Mind 

I practiced Day Four Meditation this morning because it is based on the serenity prayer. During my mediation the word courage kept coming to me in a distracting way. I would return to my breath and try to let the words of the prayer flow but courage overtook my mind each time I’d return and it became harder to get deeper into my meditation. Then I remembered my Mindfulness group’s facilitator teach us how to rid ourselves of “invading” thoughts. You cannot ignore them and the more you try the more they come and the more frustrated you become. He told us to use the image of a conveyor belt, acknowledge the distracting thought, notice it, accept that it is there while continuing to breath. Then when you feel comfortable and continuing to breath, set the thought on the conveyor belt and off it goes, acknowledged, filed away in your mind and able to be retrieved again if needed. Don’t force any thoughts or focus on much of anything except your breath, in with purifying air and oxygen, out with the negative, insecure and sick air. Practice makes perfect and the first day you may only be able to handle 30 seconds. I knew I couldn’t last more then a minute but before I knew it I w Keep practicing each day and try to last a little longer each day. It happens quickly once you realize no one’s watching, no one’s testing you, and it’s just you and your breath…..that’s when the magic begins!

Love & Light ~Amy~

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From → My Story, Recovery

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